Instantes

"If I were able to live my life anew, in the next I would try to commit more errors. I would not try to be so perfect, I would relax more. I would be more foolish than I've been, in fact, I would take few things seriously.

I would be less hygienic. I would run more risks, take more vacations, contemplate more sunsets, climb more mountains, swim more rivers. I would go to more places where I've never been, I would eat more ice cream and fewer beans, I would have more real problems and less imaginary ones.

I was one of those people that lived sensibly and prolifically each minute of his life; Of course I had moments of happiness. If I could go back I would try to have only good moments. Because if you didn't know, of that is life made: only of moments; Don't lose the now.

I was one of those that never went anywhere without a thermometer, a hot-water bottle, an umbrella, and a parachute; If I could leave again, I would travel lighter. If I could live again, I would begin to walk barefoot until autumn ends. I would take more cart rides, contemplate more dawns, and play with more children, If I had another life ahead of me.

But already you see, I am 85, and I know that I am dying." 

- Jorge Luis Borges

7,416 Miles (11,935 km)

Being in love is a good thing, but it is not the best thing. It is a noble feeling, but it is still a feeling ... If the old fairy-tale ending "They lived happily ever after" is taken to mean "They felt for the next fifty years exactly as they felt the day they first met," then it says what probably never was nor could ever be true, and would be highly undesirable if it were. Who could bear to live in that excitement for even five years? What would become of your work, your appetite, your sleep? But, of course, ceasing to be "in love" need not mean ceasing to love ... It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by the grace which both ask, and recieve, from God."

C.S. Lewis, "The Four Loves"

... I know I have a lot to learn, but I think Lewis has a point. 

Arrival

Dictionary.com - Advent - noun 1. a coming into place, view, or being; arrival. - Synonyms 1. onset, beginning, commencement, start.
     Today is the Second Sunday in Advent, a season for preparation. Preparation for Christ's first coming, to rescue the world, walk the earth, live the truth, and to die. A season to help me appreciate the holiday, rather than be relieved when it's over. Christmas is such a precious time, I want it to mean something, I want to absorb it, I want to be mindful...and those five flames help me do that.
     I prepare to wrap up my first semester in Oregon. All this rain has washed away most of my negativity and allowed me to look back on these months as a time of learning. 
"My sorrow, when she's here with me, thinks these dark days of autumn rain are beautiful as days can be..." Robert Frost
I prepare to fly out on Friday and spend my first Christmas away from home. Just like this time last year, I prepare to come back to the daunting question, "What's next?" I'm prepared to accept that I do not know. I'm prepared to listen for the answer. 

Flat Tires

I thought not having a car would be easy... It gets dark at 5 pm and rains a whole lot in Oregon. I thought a bike would be an efficient means of transportation... Riding 10+ miles a day gets you a whole lot of flat tires. I thought living on a modest stipend wouldn't be very difficult... Thank heaven for food stamps. I thought not having a television or computer wouldn't be too bad, I'll catch up on my reading... I miss Real Housewives of NJ. I thought moving somewhere by myself would be much more liberating... I'm about to buy a bunch of cats. I thought teaching would be easy. HA. I do truly love working with these students everyday, though.

Never have I felt more humbled and alone since I've moved here. Thank God for a family who sends me help before I even ask for it, a boyfriend and friends who listen and listen and listen, and a bunch of high school teachers who give can rally 12 bikes in 3 hours when I need 1!

We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed and broken. We are perplexed, but we don't give up and quit.

That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are quite small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us an immeasurably great glory that will last forever.

2 Corinthians 4:8, 16-17

The Diary of a Backpack Runner

What is a backpack runner?

I've always considered myself pretty composed. I think I manage stress well, I'm fairly low-maintenance. In college (or now back in high school), I always enjoyed watching a good backpack run. A girl or boy running from point A to point B with her backpack unzipped and flopping from side to side with each gawky stride. She usually leaves a trail of lose papers marking her path, all in an effort not to miss the bus or get to class before the tardy bell. I would wonder where she was going in such a frenzy, what did she forget? I want to tell her to just stop, recollect, and breathe. Everything will be just fine. Her face is flushed, her hair is frizzy and held up with a pencil because she clearly doesn't have time to grab a twisty. She doesn't have time to care what she looks like, she's on a momentary mission. She seems to be overly stressed, awkward and potentially lacking a social life. I yearn to ask her to sit down, have a cup of tea and tell her it's not all as bad as it seems. This is my account of my year as a backpack runner.

Greetings from the Pac NW,

Well, I've just wrapped up my first week here in 'PDX'. It's only been 7 days but I've come up with a list of things I love about the city thus far. Fair warning, a majority of the things can be found on ClicheThingsToLoveAboutPortland.com.

1. The grass (the kind that grows on your lawn). I'm reading a book called Little Bee by Chris Cleave. He writes, " ... these were beautiful fields, with bright green grass so fresh it made you hungry. I looked at those fields and I thought, I could get down on my hands and my knees and eat and eat and eat." It's so spectacularly green!

2. The MAX. I don't have a car and the MAX Light Rail can get me anywhere in Portland and to the neighboring towns. It stops every 15 minutes at basically every block throughout the city.

3. Some people live on the streets by choice, I can't walk 2 blocks without being approached by an advocate for GreenPeace, people become friends when they spot someone playing a game of Magic, you can talk to yourself and no one looks at you like you're crazy ....

4. It hasn't rained ... YET. It's been 70 degrees since I've been here. I was overly anxious to dodge the Mid-Atlantic humidity.

5. The copious amounts of local breweries and vineyards.

6. Powell's City of Books and Stumptown Coffee. These are in no way related, other than the fact that they're 2 of the most popular tourist attractions in Portland. So, in an effort to be less cliche, I grouped them. Powell's is the largest independent new and used bookstore in the world. To most of you, this means nothing - but I adore it. The inventory is over 4 million new, used, rare, and out-of-print books and occupies 1.6 acres of floor space.

Then, there's Stumptown Coffee. It's an independent coffee roaster on the first floor of The Ace Hotel. It specializes in coffee and only coffee. The most exotic drink of the menu is a mocha ... no "skinny- caramel- latte- with- whip- and drizzle," no "fraps," no "soy-green tea-lattes."

7. No sales tax. Yep, it's true. When I buy a snack wrap from the dollar menu ... I only a pay a GW. Not $1.05. This may explain my new Patagonia shoes, Columbia shoes, yoga pants, Gap T's? Yeahhh.

8. Losing weight unintentionally. Portland is the 5th fittest city in the country and there's really no choice. When they're not on the MAX, they're walking or they're biking. Otherwise, I can sit in my apartment and stare at the wall ... because I have no internet or television. Living on food stamps is not only humbling, it's doing my waistline a favor.

I'm sure I'll find some more positives (and a few negatives) along the way, especially once AmeriCorps starts. As of now, the only negatives include Goose leaving this morning and being 2,232 miles from anyone I know.

Keep it real.

I didn't know there were this many stars...

Things that make my heart happy on Tuesday, June 8th:

1) I've spent a decent amount of time lately at Gate 15A, the International Arrival gate at Dulles Airport. I've recently discovered this to be my new favorite place, and for only $4 an hour. I usually arrive about an hour early before I pick-up the camp counselors coming from London. There are usually passengers from about 4 international flights clearing customs at that time. There's a mass of people waiting anxiously at the gate for their friends/fathers/daughters/boyfriends/granddaughters/etc. to veer the corner. I like to watch their faces when they finally spot eachother through the crowd. I usually make up the stories behind all these strangers. How long has it been since they've last seen eachother? The grandparents greeting their new grandbaby for the first time and their eyes welling up with tears. The couple that's been living 6,832 miles apart. The group of women that haven't been together since college. The two little girls and their mom leaning against the railing, waiting for their dad to get back from his business trip. Even if I didn't have anyone to pick up, I would probably still pay $4 an hour for airport parking to do this. Am I the only one?

2) This past weekend we had the 8th grade boys from Bell School in D.C. stay at Horizons. For a lot of the boys, all they know is concrete. One boy said he'd only seen mountains in pictures. When asked what D.C. smelled like, a majority responded simply with "gasoline." When asked what the woods smell like, they responded with "The Amazon." When the group was on a hike, they were allowed to eat edible plants, like dandelions or wild parnsip. When they were later asked what edible plants they'd eaten, they said "marshmallows on sticks." The one comment that I found the most striking was during a campfire on Friday night. One of the boys looked up and said, "I didn't know there were this many stars."

3) Jeremy getting stellar grades and getting into JMU.

4) JMU Dining Service's staged an intervention for my 'granola addiction' when they caught me stealing it from d-hall 2 years ago. I now enjoy starting my day with a run down Mountain Valley Road ... and a granola parfait for breakfast. Here, we call them "parfs."